It all comes back to Myers-Briggs

Melissa and I are pretty similar when it comes to most things. We were born of the same womb, have similar genetic makeup, lived in the same house for most of our life, went to the same elementary, middle, senior high, and undergraduate schools, went to East Africa our sophomore years, are now living in Portland together, have our noses pierced, wear similar (if not the same) clothes and listen to similar (if not the same) music, enjoy similar movies and television shows, have similar worldviews and political/theological understandings, practice similar disciplines, etc.

Yet, we are very distinguishable when it comes to decision-making. Melissa feels confident to make rather large, weighty decisions at the drop of a hat (i.e. moving to Portland for a year) while I tend to be much more hesitant. She plows forth without looking back, without regret. I tend to walk tip-toe, and am very uncomfortable closing doors and letting go of my past experiences, friendships, etc. I am comfortable with ambiguity, with that grey area that is neither here nor there. This is where the most possibilities lie. The thought of planting roots, committing to something for more than a year makes me uneasy. Could I really do this for that long? What if I regret my decision 6 months from now? What if I'm lonely or miserable? Sometimes it's fun being stimulated by possibilities, but sometimes it's burdensome. We had to commit sometime. We have to make decisions sometime. And the great irony is, I HATE indecision. I can't stand it in other people (particularly when ordering at a restaurant) which means I probably can't stand it in myself.

About every month or so, I find myself referring to the Myers-Briggs personality test to explain some idiosyncracy of mine (or another). It provides me with an understanding of the world, particularly human beings who are utterly unpredictable...unless, of course, you have the Myers-Briggs test handy. If there was a Myers-Briggs religion, I might convert. My loyalty to the Myers-Briggs test is a bit tongue-in-cheek. Nothing explains everything. But, it explains some, particularly the depths of the human personality. So, here I go again.

The MB test measures the human personality via mutually exclusive pairs in 4 categories:

A) How you are energized: Introverts are stimulated by the internal world and prefer solitude, contemplation, imagination, and privacy. They prefer dealing with tasks and people one-on-one. Extroverts are stimulated externally, by people, spoken words, and action. They are multi-taskers, enjoy having lots of friends, and prefer the presence of other people.

B) How you process information: Sensing individuals use the 5 senses to understand the world around them. They prefer details, facts, and analysis, and are very present-focused. Intuitive individuals use insight and intuition to make connections about the world. They enjoy the big picture and are future-minded, and they prefer change, new ideas, and possibilities.

C) Thinking/Feeling (how you make a decision): Thinkers are objective and prefer logic and analysis. They are rule-followers and are often very formal. Feelers are subjective and prefer values, motivations and feelings. They tend to be more informal and diplomatic, and they don't mind bending the rules for the sake of social cohesion.

D) Judging/Perceiving (how you organize your day-to-day life): Judging individuals like structure and organization, and they follow deadlines to a T. They would rather plan ahead for future events. Perceivers, though, are comfortable to plan-on-the go and like to multi-task. This is a direct quote from a website concerning perceivers: "Instinctively avoid commitments which interfere with flexibility, freedom and variety."

Aha! There it is! In plan English, there it is. As an ENFP, I am by nature (or nurture?) a multi-asker, a creative thinker, spontaneous, horrible with details, motivated by feelings and emotions, and approach life in a rather disorganized, flexible fashion. I think the last category, J vs P, really sums up how Melissa and I differ. She is a J....she has her "head on straight" when it comes to basic things like remembering her keys when she leaves the house, planning ahead for events, etc (this isn't always true, but relative to me, it is). I am absent-minded and adverse to details and commitment. The thought of having to commit my life to something that could potentially limit freedom, variety, and flexibility makes me uncomfortable.

I am aware that I have an aversion to plan-making, but can one really go through life just waiting until the last possible second to make a decision. Then again, there are those folks who make decisions way to early, commit to things without thinking, and when time passes, they realize they've made a major mistake. But, going back to my original point...how am I ever going to transition into "real" life, "real" work if I prefer ambiguity over the closed-ended? What about my relationships? Can someone like me actually get married? Maintain friendships? I like to think that I can and that I have...but I guess it's under specific circumstances.

I am in the midst of deciding what to do with my near future and the task is daunting. In typical Melissa fashion, one day after discussing the options, she turns to me and says, "So, have you made a decision? You really should just make one already." Hmm...I don't work that way. Not at all. Only when September is breathing down my neck will I feel the motivation to take some action. My mother works quite the opposite of this, hence she thinks I'm psychotic and keeps trying to set up job interviews for me and sending me websites concerning open positions. She means well...and I appreciate her help. But I really will only get serious about all this...stuff when it's the time for it. But, I do have the tiny but acute fear that it'll be too late, that I'll regret my delay, that nothing will line up. But, this hasn't happened to me yet. So I can really only base this all on experience.